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Several days ago, I came across your website after weeks of searching for something like this.  I have now read almost every letter and article, on the site, present and past. I congratulate you for your knowledge and hard work, in being able to identify all the problems in youth sports!  My husband and I would love to meet you in person.  If you plan on any speaking engagements in my area, please let us know.

The discovery of your website came after our documentation of a very negative experience for our 10 year old son, who played flag football in our local athletic league.

To Rene (see "Ask The Coach") and all other parents: I spoke with my head coach the very first and second practice to inform him that my son had never played flag football, and did not understand the game. I wanted him to understand this, so that he would not have unrealistic expectations for my son, and perhaps could work with him at his level.

This was the beginning of our communication. However sad to say, there was never any effort made on his part or by the assistant coaches to work within this context. After the first game, it was quite obvious that these coaches cared only about the winning of the games at the expense of the 3 weakest players. My husband and I engaged our head coach, Vice-President of the league and team sponsor in many conversations about the fact that our child was playing only 25% of the game, while 4 players played 100% and 1 player played 98-99% (5 in total).  Worse yet, was that the inferior players were expected to stand at attention at the sidelines, watching their teammates engaged in play 100% of the time having fun, and while given the assignment of running the written plays in and out of the huddle and then back to the sidelines to watch. Each and every conversation was about the extreme disproportionate amount of playing time given to the players, and the emphasis on winning. And each and every time (a minimum of 7 conversations and one letter, we were told things would change.) 

They changed a little. These three players now played "almost" 50%, while the others continued to play 100%. These three players had a minimum number of plays designed for them in each game as well - maybe one or two, if lucky. Most of the time, when on the field you would see these youngsters, standing on the field like a "sign-post", doing nothing, because of the position they were instructed to play. This affected my child's self-esteem deeply, who now felt like a failure, and in the eyes of the talented players, was labeled an inferior player. My son repeatedly asked to be put into the game, and was ignored. But the fact that we were now critiquing our coaches, infuriated them, and definitely had even a stronger impact on our child in the way he was treated.

My husband and I went a little further than Rene. We documented our phone calls, which I refer to in my final eight page packet. We also documented the exact amount of playing time that my son played, after several informal conversations (because we were being ignored), by listing the time he went on the field and off the field, in one game, with the total amount of playing time, which was barely 25%. This angered them even more. "How dare we document, after the second game."  We also took the Rules and Regulations of Flag Football, and quoted directly from them (6 quotes to be exact).

I received no response to this letter, which was hand-delivered after our second game. We wrestled with the idea of pulling our son off the team and finally came to the conclusion:
1. There was nothing positive to be gained by leaving our son on this team. It was affecting his self-esteem, negatively.
2.  We had done our share of communicating our desires, with the coach, sponsor and Vice-President and did this within the context of the league's rules and regulations, but to no avail.
3. That if we continued to force our son to participate on this team, that we, as parents, should be cited for child abuse.
4. That we had done exactly what every parent should do for their child, in a respectful manner, except, to remove him sooner from this situation.

We sent a letter of resignation, and then an eight page document to the President, VP, and Commissioner containing our documentation, as well as to the Mayor and City Council Members in our town, for you see, even though this league is a private organization, it is being played on "city property." And coincidentally on the very same day I sent this packet out, there was an article in the newspaper, about an assistant coach from this league who had attacked a youngster with a baseball bat (not during a game), and the fact that this league does no background checks on its coaches. This man is a convicted felon.  The city is now implicated in this as well, because the league uses city property. I think most parents  assume that the city sanctions, supports, or regulates these leagues, when they are run on city property.

The packet contains seven recommendations for improving this league, one of which includes mid-year season evaluations and end of season surveys to be filled out by parents, as to their satisfaction with this league. The next day I mailed to them, your website and two articles "Isn't It Time We Did Something"
and "Equal Playing Time For All."

To your readers:
1.  Document your communication by keeping a running log, with dates, times, names. Put it in writing when possible.
2. You are your child's advocate! Communicate as often as you feel a need to do so.
3.  Try to get your organization to improve, by requesting surveys (results should be made public to parents), by frequent visitations from commissioners, proper training and recruitment of coaches. If quality
coaches are not available limit the number of participants.
4.  If this is no longer a positive experience for your child, and you have tried everything, remove them from the team immediately, before more damage is done.

I appreciate the time you have taken to read this. I did not mean to put in so much detail, but you can see how upsetting this has been.

Thank you,
A concerned parent

Jerry,

I will let you know the outcome of my eight page packet.  In the meantime, I had a thought and I am hoping you can advise me.

I am actively involved in my large school district with the Superintendent. and Advisory Groups. I have already implemented several policy changes in the district by bringing them forth as motions. I am wondering whether you know of any school districts that have taken over these volunteer youth leagues,
so that there could be more careful monitoring, standards, improved training, etc. Is this possible? We have approximately 250,000 students, K-12, in this county.

I would like to suggest that these leagues are a part of a child's education experience in areas such as social/emotional development, skills, and character education (which is now mandated in our district). Our school board regulates After-Care which is held after school hours, so why not these leagues?

One problem: What about private schools? Could some kind of board be constructed to incorporate all?  If you have any information that would be helpful, or can direct me, please do so? I would greatly appreciate it.

Dear Concerned Parent,

Thank you for your letter describing the unfortunate experience your family had in flag football. I appreciate your concern, the time you took to find my site and the extent of your explanation. I wish that yours was an isolated case but in fact it is not. Far too many youngsters involved in youth sports are being treated in the same way by uncaring coaches who are concerned only with winning and not about the players. A popular saying today is that the mentality of youth coaches  is to "coach the best and bench the rest". Many coaches routinely ignore or manipulate rules regarding playing time to keep better players on the field at the expense of other players.

The coach is the key to a positive youth sports experience for all players on the team and conversely, the coach is usually the one responsible when children have a bad experience in sports.

Parents everywhere are grumbling or complaining on the sidelines about the treatment of their children and their playing time. I heard several such complaints this weekend at a Pop Warner football game. Complaining about this to friends and other parents won't fix the problem. Parents who ignore the situation or just have their child drop out of the sport are allowing the bad coaches to continue with their unacceptable behavior.

As you have seen, discussing the matter with coaches and administrators is not usually effective. More parents need to do just what you have done, i.e. document the case, take the matter to league officials and community leaders, even the local media, and, ultimately, remove the child from the demeaning and emotionally damaging situation. Bad coaches need to be identified, removed and replaced by caring and qualified individuals. Parents must take a lead role in identifying bad coaches. I commend you for taking a
stand and only wish that you lived in Ponte Vedra so your son could play in our flag football program.

In regard to your second letter, suggesting that schools take over volunteer youth sports, that is a very interesting concept but one that could present huge challenges, especially in staffing and funding. I am not aware of any school districts that have done this, but the problems in youth sports today, in my opinion,  require that we consider innovative alternatives and potential solutions such as this. There are several groups dedicated to improving the unhealthy situation in youth sports, foremost among them the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS), the North American Youth Sports Institute and the Coaching Youth
Sports forum at Virginia Tech. Perhaps they are aware of moves in this regard. I will contact them and let you know what I find out.

I would certainly be very interested in working with you and others to try to make a difference for our kids. I most enthusiastically endorse the mission statement of the NAYS which is "Better sports for Kids... Better Kids for Life!