Kids need positive coaches and parents

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Kids Need Positive Coaches and Positive Parents
By Jerry Norton

A few weeks ago, a front page story in the New York Times described a serious problem with sideline violence at youth sporting events. The article reported that perhaps 15% of youth games involve some sort of verbal or physical abuse from parents or coaches. I suspect that the actual percentage might be even higher than that. Last week we heard about a parent who attacked his son's middle school golf coach because the child was not playing enough. Every week there is a new horror story and these are just the really serious problems. The everyday verbal abuse of young players by overzealous or abusive adults is so common place these days that it no longer rises to a reportable level. Most experts agree that if there is to be a change in this deplorable situation it must happen at the local level where coaches, parents and athletes come together. I agree and firmly believe that youth sports should be made fun and enjoyable again for all participants. Caring and compassionate coaches along with sane and responsible parents working together must bring about such changes. A good relationship between a positive parent and a positive coach will help to ensure a positive sports experience for a youngster. As the season progresses, a parent can become a coach's best ally and a valuable asset for the team - or the parent and coach can have a strained, even volatile relationship that can have a profound negative effect on the player's experience. To avoid potential problems, it is important that an open relationship and a clear communication link between coach and parent be established early on. This is best accomplished by holding a pre-season meeting between the coach and the parents. At this meeting, the coach should explain the philosophy of the league, the program and its objectives as well as his or her personal philosophy and priorities. Safety, fun, participation and development should always be the coach's top priorities. During this meeting it is important to discuss what the parents should expect from the coach and what the coach, in turn, should expect from the parents. These expectations should take the form of a Code of Conduct for Coaches and Parents, several of which have been developed by reputable youth organizations. The following is a positive and appropriate Code of Conduct for Coaches:

	Always place the emotional and physical well-being of your players ahead of a personal desire to win.
	Always treat each player as an individual and provide each player with the best possible instruction.
	Always give each player a full and fair measure of play.
	Always balance criticism with praise.
	Always be a positive influence for players, other coaches and parents.
	Always praise both teams for their effort.
	Always take control of your sidelines and your fans.
	Always put the safety of your players first.
	Always remember that the game is for the children, not the adults.
	Never let your desire to win interfere with any of the top priorities; safety, fun, participation and development.
	Never dispute or criticize a penalty or an game official's decision.
	Never ridicule or humiliate a player or an official.
	Never use profanity, alcohol or tobacco on the athletic field.

Here is a similar, positive and appropriate Code of Conduct for Parents:

	Be interested but not overbearing about your child's participation.
	Be a good listener when your child wants to talk about his or her experience.
	Don't put pressure on your child to win or excel.
	Help to keep the child's focus on fun and participation.
	Provide positive reinforcement for the player and the team.
	Avoid over-reacting to wins or losses.
	Keep your emotions under control, especially during games.
	Remember, these are little kids playing a game for fun.
	Never put down, deride or disparage your child's opponents, they are little kids too.
	Root for your team, not against the opponents.
	Take part in your team's special events and activities.
	Understand what the coach is trying to teach your child so that you are in a position to reinforce the coach's instruction at home.
	Avoid coaching your child from the sidelines at games or practices; stick to words of encouragement.
	Check with the coach if you have suggestions you think may benefit your child.
	Don't send the child to practice with a message for the coach saying "my Dad says I should do it this way".
	Inform the coach if your child is having problems, either with practices or with school work or if your child must miss a practice or a game.
	Do your part to ensure a drug, alcohol and tobacco free environment at youth sports events.
	Review the Coaches' Code of Conduct. Expect and require your child's coach to abide by that code.

In addition, the coach should also discuss how playing time will be allocated, how practices will be conducted, the procedures for discipline, practice and game schedules and other important dates, equipment requirements, special playing rules for the league, homework priorities, how parents should handle missed practices, how in-season communications will be handled, special player or parental situations or hardships, emergency procedures and special transportation needs. By discussing these matters before the season starts, potential problems can be avoided. This is an essential first step in building positive parental support for the team and the coaches. If coaches and the parents understand that the primary objectives for a youth sports program are fun, participation and enjoyment for all players and they both work together in a positive way, those objectives will be achieved.

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