Soccer Coach Troubles

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Soccer Coach Troubles

From Gwyn Lawson...

I was asked to coach my son's little league soccer team (6-7 year olds). I initially hesitated but then agreed when the coordinator said he had no one else. I telephoned all my players and told them I would be their coach. But since the first practice, I have the distinct feeling, from at least three of the dads, that they are less than enthused that I am the Coach. Oh, by the way, I'm a Mom. I never made claim that I was a Mia Hamm, but I know the rules and I want the kids to learn the game while having fun. But despite tactfully telling these other dads I'm in charge, they undermine me and my authority by coaching on the field during the game and putting in players after I've already sent in my line. I don't want to back down from them, but I didn't bargain for this aggravation! Any suggestions?

See below for a brief follow-up from Gwyn. Thanks Gwyn! Keep up the good work!

Answer: The problem you describe is not uncommon in youth sports nor is it necessarily a gender issue. There are parents who simply can not stand on the sidelines without interfering, no matter whether the coach is male or female. Finding good coaches is usually a challenge for league administrators in most sports but it is especially true in soccer because many parents never played the sport in their youth. Parents are often reluctant to take on the duties of a head coach regardless of the sport, especially if they have not coached before. They may have valid reasons for declining the position including lack of qualifications, temperament, travel commitments or lack of time. Probably the most common reason I've heard for declining the head coach's job is lack of time. But even then some of these same folks show up at practices and games "coaching" their child from the sideline. That you have stepped up and accepted the job when no one else would is an important factor in resolving the dilemma you now face. Congratulations for accepting when no one else would. Your willingness and your stated objectives as a coach (i.e. for the kids to have fun and learn) make you good candidate for the job.

One thing a head coach should always do is to hold a parents and players meeting before the season starts. Such a meeting gives you the opportunity to nip problems such as this in the bud. At this meeting, you would explain your situation and your objectives to the parents and ask for their help in making the season fun and beneficial for all the players. You might ask if any parents would be willing to help as assistants and then explain their potential roles at practice and games. Generally speaking, the more coaches the better, especially at the younger levels. It is important that you, as head coach organize the practices and assign the assistants specific tasks. You should oversee all activities to make sure the fun is not taken out of practice by any overzealous assistants. But do try to give them the opportunity to do their own thing in conducting the drills you¹ve assigned. During the games, you should explain to the assistants what your role will be and assign each of them a specific job. For example, one might be assigned to see that the player rotation/substitution plan you develop is carried out so that all players get a fair share of playing time. It is always a good idea, at the parents meeting, to hand out a list of "Do"s and "Don't"s for parents of kids involved in youth sports. I have a Parent's Code of conduct that I pass out at my meetings. It is in the Parental Involvement chapter, on page 139, of my book, Mom, Can I Play Football?, and is reproduced at the end of my response. The National Alliance for Youth Sports www.nays.org also has a Parent's Code of Conduct. From the sound of things it may be too late to hold this pre-season meeting since your season has already started. None the less, you should still try to accomplish these things either with a special parents' meeting or some other formal means of communication. For years, I have written a weekly newsletter to parents. In the newsletter, I praise kids and coaches and report on things of special interest to the team. This might be a good place to raise the issue. Explain the problem you are having and ask for help in solving it. You might make a list of tasks that you need assistant coaches to perform at practice and during games. Also list your duties so that there is no confusion about who is responsible for what. Take the opportunity to include in the newsletter my Parent's Code of Conduct.

Before sending out the newsletter describing the problem you are having, you should do your best to make allies of the parents who are infringing on your coaching duties. This may be easier to say than to do but please try. Talk to each of the individuals involved separately and unemotionally. Explain your frustrations and suggest specific things they might do to help the team. Try to recruit them as your assistant coaches. Make sure to explain to each of these Dads what you believe your role as head coach is and how you need and would like them to participate. If you can reach a successful conclusion regarding the roles and missions of the individuals by talking to each of the parties involved, then use the newsletter to introduce the new assistant coaches and to explain their duties.

If all of these things fail, talk to the league administrator, explain your problem, what steps you have taken to attempt to solve it and ask for advice and from the organization. If the problem continues, it may be necessary for the league administrator to step in and move certain players.

Here is my Parent's Code of Conduct. Please pass it on to all your parents.

	Be interested but not overbearing about your child's participation.
	Be a good listener when your child wants to talk about his or her experience.
	Don't put pressure on your child to win or excel. Help to keep your child's focus on fun and participation.
	Avoid overreacting to wins or losses.
	Provide positive reinforcement for the player and the team.
	Take part in your team's special events and activities.
	Understand what the coach is trying to teach your child so that you can be in a position to reinforce the coach's instruction at home.
	Avoid coaching your player from the sidelines at games or at practices. Stick to words of encouragement.
	Check with the coach if you have suggestions you think may benefit your child. Don't send the player to practice with a message for the coach saying "my Dad says I should do it this way."
	Since you may well be acting as a "coach at home" try to follow the suggestions made earlier about coaching little kids. Keep things simple, criticize the technique not the player and balance criticism with praise. Inform the coach if your child is having a problem, either with practices or with school work or if your child must miss a practice or game.
	Do your part to ensure a drug, alcohol and tobacco free environment at youth sports events.
	Keep your emotions under control, especially during games. Remember, these are little kids playing a game for fun.
	Never put down, deride or disparage your child's opponents, they are little kids too. Root for your team, not against the opponents.
	Review the coaches' code of conduct. Expect and require your child's coach to abide by that code. Where appropriate substitute the word parent for coach and follow that lead.

Gwyn, I hope that this helps you. I understand your frustrations and how difficult this situation is for you. Keep your objectives in the front of your mind and always act in the best interests of all the kids. If you do that, no one can ask more of you. If only all parents would focus on fun and participation, problems like this would not be so common. Good luck and please keep in touch.

Dear Coach Jerry,

Just an update to tell you how all of this worked out....

I wasn't able to have the pre-season meeting, but will make sure to have one for any future seasons. I thought back on what I believed were my responsibilities as a head coach and kept those close to me. The other responsibilities of the team I gave to those parents who were interested in assisting. I think this clarification of each other's responsibilities was the first step.

I planned every practice and the drills so that these assistants could help me. This way I was responsible for the practice, the other parents were able to assist and the boys learned/improved on different skills. Although I thought it may be a bit "controlling", I realized that the more important
message this process was sending was to the players themselves. I needed to establish and keep my role of coach to them, not the ambiguous situation that 3 or 4 coaches presented to them.

By the end of the season, I thought the boys made significant progress. And although, as they get older, it gets more difficult to downplay the winners and losers of each game, I emphasized that as long as they have played their very best they can walk away proud - winners or losers. I don't know if
I've changed the mind of these apprehensive parents, but I think they would be hard pressed to say that their son didn't have fun or play some of the most exciting games 6 and 7 year olds can play! Almost every one of our opponents said that their game with us was one of their most exciting, well
played games. In the end it was the positive feedback I received from some of the parents and players that made me feel it was a successful season. Everyone had fun and everyone, including me, learned a new trick or two!

Thank you again for your interest in this. I really appreciate the time and effort you took to reply to my dilemma.

Kind regards,
Gwyn Lawson