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Negative Soccer Coach

Our son is playing on a rep soccer team. He is in his fifth year, as he is now 16.  His coach is an awful negative person. Our son can never do anything right on the field... none of the boys can. The coach only criticizes... yelling at everyone. The problem is that he is also the man in charge of soccer for our town... so no one will stand up to him. I've told our son to perhaps talk to him privately, and tell him he would like him to lay off. He tells me that the coach would only make fun of him in front of the other kids. Our son would quit, if not that he likes to hang with the other boys on the team. What can we do?

You also indicated that the problem is not limited to just your son, but extends to all players on the team. If that is the case, other parents probably feel as you do, that the coach's behavior is inappropriate. I would suggest that you first discuss the problem with the other parents to confirm this. If it turns out to be an isolated problem between the coach and your son, you should meet with the coach and explain how you feel. Listen to the coach's side and see if there is something your son is not telling you. Try to keep discussions frank and non-threatening.

If you confirm that the problem is in fact a team problem, request a meeting with the coach and all the parents who feel as you do. Explain to the coach how the group feels, ask for his opinion on the matter and finally, make suggestions for what you think should be done to improve things. You might suggest, for example, that the coach attend a training class on coaching youth sports.

If this does not help, speak as a group to the league officials, explaining the problem and your recommendations. You mentioned that the coach is the person who runs the program but perhaps there other officials involved?

If that doesn't help, consider this. Most organized youth programs use community owned athletic fields and facilities and require authorization to do so. Meet with elected community officials, the mayor, the town supervisor, the recreation department or the town board and explain the problem and ask that they intervene. Of course, you will need the support of
a large number of parents. You might also want to get the local media involved to help make your case for the kids.

Involvement in positive sports programs can play an important role in a child's growth and development, physically and socially. If the coach is a concerned and caring individual with the right attitude, the child's sports experience will be positive and beneficial. If the coach is insensitive, uncaring or focused only on winning the effect on the players will be negative and detrimental. Poor coaches should not be tolerated. They should be weeded out as soon as they are identified.

Because of problems like the one you are experiencing, many youth sports organizations are screening, training and certifying their volunteer coaches. Coaches in these programs are required to sign and adhere to a Code of Ethics and are held accountable for their actions. I would suggest that you recommend to your community recreation department or appropriate elected community officials that all youth sports organizations that use community owned facilities are required to have screened, trained and certified coaches and administrators. For information on the training of coaches contact the National Alliance For Youth Sports at www.nays.org.

I hope this helps. Good luck and please let me know how things turn out.