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Discipline vs. Humiliation in Baseball

My son is 10 years old and is a second year player on a minors baseball team. At practice tonight, my son and another boy were arguing and screwing around on the field. The coach had finally had enough and told the boys that they had to run around the field holding each others hands. I was shocked. I can understand that the coach has the right to discipline children who are acting up on the field, but I would expect him to make them run laps separately, do push-ups, etc. In my opinion, a coach at this level of baseball has NO excuse to humiliate the children in any way.

My son was in tears and is now considering quitting the team. As his mother, I can sympathize with him. Immediately after the coach told the boys to run holding hands I approached him on the bench and expressed my anger. He replied that he was purposely trying to humiliate the boys so that they would think twice about acting up during practice ever again. He told me that if I don't like the way he coaches, I could take my son, leave the field and not come back. Obviously, I couldn't do that because my son loves to play baseball. He would rather be publicly humiliated than to quit baseball, and I find it sad that he's forced to deal with such a choice at age 10.

I'm afraid that since I confronted the coach, he'll take it out on my son by reducing his playing time or continuing to treat him unfairly. I would appreciate your advice on how to handle this situation. Have you ever heard of such "discipline" tactics, and was I out of line for expressing my disgust? Please share your opinion. Thank you!

As you are aware, one of the objectives of youth sports is to learn and develop skills. Discipline is essential in any learning situation and in sports it is an important element  in both teaching individual skills and improving player and team performance. Perhaps the greatest challenge for a youth coach is to instill and maintain discipline and still keep the sports experience positive and enjoyable. It is often a difficult line for the coach to walk. As in so many things, it is better to be proactive than reactive. It is easier to for the coach to try  to avoid problems than it is to react to problems after they occur. The question is "what should the coach do to avoid having problems with discipline?"

Boredom is the primary cause of many of the behavioral problems that occur in kids sports. If kids are busy doing things they enjoy, it is less likely they will start fooling around. This is one of the main reasons why coaches should keep discussions short  and drills, simple, short, varied and challenging. It is important that all the players be involved and that lines for participation be kept short. The old expression "Idle hands are the tools of the devil" is quite appropriate.

Despite the coach's best efforts to avoid problems, a few players will misbehave during the course of the season and disciplinary action may be necessary. Therefore, discipline is an important topic at the pre-season parents-coaches meeting and should include an explanation of how players will be disciplined, should it be necessary. Rules for behavior and the consequences of not adhering to the rules should be stressed to both parents and players before the start of the season. The coach should emphasize to the players that misbehavior will limit their development and improvement and thus their enjoyment of the sport. The consequences for violating the rules should be understood by the players and parents and should be appropriate for the infraction, typically not be harsh or humiliating. Coaches should be "long on patience and short on punishment." The expression "discipline with love not vengeance" is appropriate for youth coaches as well as parents and school teachers.

Violations of the rules for good sportsmanship are more serious than most other behavioral problems and should be dealt with firmly, including an immediate warning that such behavior will not be tolerated. In the event of repeated violations, the parents should be notified and the player suspended from participation for a period of time.

Some coaches - I am not among them - are big on pushups or running laps as a punishment for offenses. I have found that minor behavioral issues are best dealt with by a verbal reminder or reprimand. The offender might have to miss a turn in a drill or sit out a play or two. For years, I've told kids and parents many times early in the season that our first rule is "When the coach is talking, the players are listening." Usually just a quick "What's our first rule?" is enough to settle troublesome kids down. Also, it takes "two to tango" and it usually takes two kids in combination to create disruptions. To help prevent trouble, avoid having two less-mature kids paired in the same drill.

If a team is experiencing more than its share of behavioral problems on a regular  or continuing basis with many of the kids, I would suspect that the players are not having fun, are bored or are not being challenged and stimulated. Perhaps the coach should reconsider his or her priorities and focus more on fun and enjoyment. As I said at the beginning, kids who are busy doing things they enjoy don't get into trouble. In youth sports, fun should be the number one priority.

Having said all that, let's get back to the answer to your questions. Your son's coach appears to be one who believes offenders should run laps. Unfortunately, he is not alone in dealing with problems in that way. I believe he is way out of line in his admitted attempt to humiliate the kids and that you acted correctly  by discussing the matter with him. Perhaps if the coach had described his plan for dealing with behavioral problems this way at a parents meeting prior to the season, the incident might have been avoided. Certainly, humiliation, ridicule and intimidation have no place in kids sports.

I also suspect you where quite angry and hostile when you confronted the coach about the incident and that certainly didn't help matters. None the less, the coach should not have responded the way he did.

I share your concern that the coach may react negatively toward your son. I would suggest that you call the coach and ask to meet with him privately away from the field and the players. At this meeting (do not do it over the telephone), explain your feelings and your concerns in a calm, polite but firm  manner. Explain that you thought the coach's actions were not appropriate for young children and suggest alternatives he might use in the future. Also acknowledge that your child was wrong to behave the way he did and that you have spoken to him about his behavior. Ask the coach to inform you if the boy misbehaves in the future and be prepared to take appropriate action. Avoid threatening tones and appeal to the coach's sense of values and tell him that you expect that your son will be treated fairly in the future. He should be able to assure you of this. If the outcome of this meeting is not successful, take the matter to the league officials and ask for their help.