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How to Handle an Aggressive Coach

Here's a question from Laura and Bob Ferrans:

What is the best way to handle an over-aggressive baseball coach? Our ten-year-old son's federation coach rarely stops yelling at the players. At the last game, he became so angry, he smashed a plastic clip board against the dug-out wall. Our plan is to let the manager know that if this type of display happens again, we will remove our son from the game and go home. Our son loves to play and likes his team, but is afraid of his coach and is not performing as well as we've seen in the past.

Answer: Problems such as the one you are experiencing are becoming increasingly frequent, I'm sorry to say. Your plan of action is not unreasonable but I would suggest that you implement it in phases so that you may be able to avoid the final and unfortunate outcome which would penalize your son by his not being able to play baseball.

Coaches must understand that the game is for the kids, not the adults and not the coaches. It sounds, from what you've said, like your son's coach needs help and training in how to work with children. Or perhaps he shouldn't be coaching children.

Your plan to let the coach know that his behavior is unacceptable is appropriate. I would suggest that you make an appointment to meet personally with the coach, not at the ball field, not with kids around and not over the telephone, and discuss the situation in a rational and adult manner. A one-on-one meeting is best. Explain the problems his behavior has created for your son and for your family. Try to be calm and as unthreatening as possible as you discuss the specifics of the matter.

Prepare a "talking paper" for your meeting with the coach so that you cover all the items of importance in a logical order. Be specific about the incidents that have occurred. Be specific about how you expect the coach to behave in the future. If possible speak first with other parents to see if they feel as you do. If they do, tell him this, so that he understands that this is not an isolated case of a lone upset parent. Even if other parents may seem reluctant to support your position, do not disappear. As a responsible parent you have a right to expect that your son be treated appropriately, fairly and with respect and dignity. Explain to the coach that you are acting in the best interests of your son and that that is your sole motivation.

If possible point out things the coach has done in the past that are positive and which you support. Try to show the coach that you respect and appreciate his efforts and the time he is taking to work with the children. Explain that as a parent, you want your son to learn good sportsmanship, self control and respect for others and that a coach can significantly influence his players in this regard. Appeal to his positive parental instincts - doesn't he want the same thing for his son?

Ask if he understands why you are concerned. Ask him to explain his actions. Listen to the coach's explanation if he offers one. Does he agree that his behavior was inappropriate? Is he sorry for his actions? If he apologizes, accept it graciously and say that you hope he will do his best to insure it will not happen in the future.

If on the other hand, he reacts negatively toward you. Quickly thank him for his time and explain that you intend to take the matter up with league officials. In the meantime, tell him you expect fair treatment for your son. Do not threaten to take your son off the team at this point. Let him continue to play and try to attend his practices and games to see that he is indeed being treated fairly.

League officials are slowly beginning to realize there is a serious problem with overzealous coaches and are responding to problems. If the coach reacts negatively at the meeting, I suggest you do the following:

	Contact the league commissioner and explain the situation, the meeting, what was discussed and the coach's reaction. Use your talking paper to put your message to the officials in writing. Explain to the officials what you think should be done to correct the situation and avoid future incidents.
	Ask the league officers to meet with the coach and investigate the matter.
	Find out if league has a coaches' code of conduct. Did the coach violate the code of conduct? Is there a process to hold coaches responsible for their behavior?
	Ask that the league take appropriate action, such as 1) reprimand and warn the coach, 2) suspend the coach for a certain number of games or 3) dismiss the coach for the remainder of the season. Are either of you prepared to work with or take over as coach. If so let league officials know. Volunteering to help the coach may be a viable action.
	If the league does not have a coaches' code of conduct, work to have one adopted. I can help you with this.
	Ask league officials for their help in improving the problem of overzealous coaches and adults. For example, suggest that this coach be given coach's training in working effectively with children and recommend that all coaches be so trained. Implement a code of conduct for both coaches and parents

If you have no success in dealing with the league officials, contact your local town board. Most youth athletic programs use town or community owned athletic fields for play. Let them know that the youth program your son is involved in is not providing responsible supervision for their baseball program. Ask them to investigate the situation and recommend that the league be denied use of the fields if remedial action is not taken. If you have to go this far, then you should also contact the local media and explain the case. Ask for their help in making the youth programs of your community what they should be - free of abusive parents and fun and enjoyable for the kids.

I hope it isn't necessary to remove your son from the team. That should be the absolute last resort. The coach should respond to your concerns. If he doesn't, the league certainly should.