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Should He Be Playing Hockey?

Here's a question from Alen McCauley

My son is 6 and we just put him in hockey for beginners. He is a beginner skater, and he can get around okay. The problem is whenever he is out on the ice with the other kids he just stands there and cries, he won't even try. He has been in team sports now for two years, we are very frustrated, and don't know what else we can do to encourage him to try.

Answer: I was very surprised that your son has been in team sports for 2 years. Apparently he started playing as a 4 year-old. What kind of organized sports was he involved with?

It is very unusual that a 4 year-old is even close to emotionally or physically ready for competitive sports of any kind. Age six or seven is a more realistic age for starting most children in the low competitive type of sports and for many children that is too early. At 4, 5 and 6  kids should be experiencing "free play" and having fun without the pressure of performing. Games should be fun, simple,  minimum-rule type games with balls, bats, sticks etc of all kinds. Competitive sports requiring physical and mental/emotional maturity are usually more than most very young children can deal with for extended periods.

I would suggest that you give your son an opportunity to learn and enjoy different sports in a minimum participation manner. Let him try his skill at actions associated with different sports such as shooting baskets, playing catch (pitching to you), running bases, skating with or without a hockey stick and/or puck or hitting large balls with a bat or club. This way he is testing himself in a sport without committing to one for an entire season. He will let you know what things he finds enjoyable and to what extent he wants to participate or not. As a six year old he should just be ready to enjoy low key, low competition, fun participation. It sounds like you are pushing him into participating in organized sports when he does not want to be involved. If he is crying while on the ice he is not happy and shouldn't be out there. It is unlikely that you can do or should do any thing to encourage him. Take him out of the situation until HE wants to return to it.

Don't be frustrated. Let him participate when he is ready and in the sports that he likes. He should be learning, experimenting and having fun in his childhood doing things he enjoys. He should not be participating in sports for your benefit/enjoyment or because you want him to. Let him be a kid and have fun while he can. High pressure, organized competitive sports will come all too soon these days.