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Soccer Woes

My dad is really tough on me when I play soccer. He always wants me to be the best. I used to love soccer a lot, but now I don't like it and I want to quit because I can't stand my dad's yelling. I really don't want to quit so what can I do?

Your situation is troublesome indeed and, I'm sorry to say, it is also not all that unusual. Far too many parents try to re-live their own childhood through the sports activities of their children. Instead, they should be enjoying their child's participation while growing up and they should be helping their young player have a positive, enjoyable and memorable sports experience.

Unfortunately, some parents forget that the primary objective of youth sports should be - first and foremost - an enjoyable experience for all the participants. Youth sports also focus on skill development  as well as development of healthy social relationships but even then they must always be fun.

Your father seems to have lost sight of this most important aspect of youth sports. To him, the most important thing is that you excel at the game, not that you have fun playing it. He should be reminded that kid's sports are for kids - not for the adults. Instead of being supportive and encouraging, he is putting pressure on you to perform by yelling and by constantly criticizing you.

You say you don't want to quit, nor should you have to. You should be able to play and enjoy soccer on your terms, not your father's terms. Even if you are not the best soccer player on your team right now, that's OK, as long as you always try your best and you enjoy playing. As you continue to play and mature, your skills will certainly develop and your game will improve. Soon you may be working even harder to improve and you are very likely to develop a keen inner desire to become the best soccer player you can be. But if that happens, it will be because it is what you want, not what your father or someone else wants.

I suggest that you sit down with you dad, right away and tell him exactly what you just told me here. He needs to understand that his actions are detrimental to your development as a growing youngster and that he is turning you away from a sport that you enjoyed very much at one time. In effect he is ruining the sport for you. Again, he needs to understand that his negative and overzealous attitude is turning you off at a time when you really need his encouragement and support.

I'm sure he loves you very much but is anxious for you to excel. I'm also sure that he would like you to continue to play and enjoy the sport. I think  he will change his attitude once you explain the negative emotional impact it is having on you.

Have you talked to your Mom about your situation?  If not, perhaps you should also include Mom in the discussion. Moms often have keen insight into problems of this sort.

If you have difficulty discussing the matter with dad or mom, then show them the e-mail you sent me and also show them my response and ask them for their opinions.

I wish you luck and I certainly hope you don't quit playing soccer. Someday I may read about  you when you are starring for your high school or college soccer team. But until, then just play and have fun.