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Young Football Player, Not Playing

From Bryan:

I am not sure what's going on here. My son age 10, is playing his second year in PeeWee football on a competitive team. The coach tends to play the best and bench the rest, or play the rest during halftime or after we get up 4 touchdowns on the other team. My son is not one of the first team starters. He sat on the bench last year and played very little. I viewed this as tolerable as he was learning the game and should pay his dues. This year I have been pushing him to get very aggressive and give 100%.  I must tell you that this is the way I was taught, and how I grew up playing youth sports myself. He has  good size for his age but has flat feet and lacks good agility and lateral quickness. He has good top end speed and excellent strength and is one of the bigger kids on the team this year. I find myself seething inside when I see a smaller more aggressive kid beating him at the line of scrimmage or I feel he is not putting out 100% or not putting a good hit in as he tackles in practices or in his limited game playing time. You just have to show the coaches when the chances come up.

In defense of the coaches I believe  they  play the most aggressive kids who seem to want it more... regardless of their talent. Though the two do seem to go hand in hand, I believe he can be a starter if he just gets meaner and gives it everything he has. Football is about physically dominating the opposing player after all... He tells me he wants to be a starter, but I'm really confused. He just doesn't seem to get it that football requires maximum effort all the time to be successful. We are going into our second game and I don't want him to sit on the bench again this season. I am thinking about pulling him out. Am I wrong? 

I would appreciate your thoughts.

Answer: It sounds like your young son's participation and his performance in football is much more important to you than it is to him. For example, you describe yourself as "seething inside when a smaller more aggressive player beats him at the line of scrimmage."

As a 10 year-old he should be playing the sport because he enjoys it not to fulfill some high expectation, desire or fantasy you may have. My advice to you is to back off, let him develop some confidence and skill, help him with techniques, etc. if he requests help but don't belittle him if he doesn't perform up to your standards.

Kids develop at different rates especially when it comes to aggressiveness and football specific skills. I've known a number of young football players who were pretty good athletes but rather timid at the start, as well as several kids who were big, slow and clumsy or not athletic initially. With positive encouragement and time to develop their skills and mature, they stuck with the game and after several seasons became solid players who loved contact and continued to play football in high school.

As for your son, let him continue to play as long as he wants to and as long as he enjoys the game. Encourage him to always try to do his best but don't let your high expectations undermine his confidence or self worth.

I hope this helps.