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Abusive Coach in Girl's Basketball

Here's another basketball question regarding an abusive coach:

My daughter started playing high school basketball this year and has had to put up with a very verbally abusive coach. She is a good player and has proven to be the best shooter on the team. She has beat the coach and all other players in a shoot-out game in practice all year. I believe because she beats him , he has to take it out on her. During a game ending he starts to yell at her for all her mistakes. Not very many, when his point player and guard can throw the ball away, up to 25 times each, per game and never get reprimanded once, he likes to make her cry if he can and then tells the whole team he is sorry if he made someone cry. We have had other parent's tell us that if we don't do something they we going to. My daughter does not want us to interfere because she is afraid it will only make thing's worse however I do not believe the could get much worse. Boy's playing on the boy's team with this man as an assistant coach do not want to play next year either. This coach is the athletic director of our school. How do we proceed to do something about his coaching tactic's and abuse? The last two year's his record is 3 wins 29 losses. 

Answer: I agree with you that you should do something about how your daughter is being treated. Parents and players are often reluctant to take steps to resolve problems between a coach and a player for fear of  making matters worse for the player. But as you have said, how much worse could things get. Your daughter deserves to be treated fairly and with respect by her coach and if she isn't than you need to take action right away. Your situation is compounded by the fact that the coach is also the athletic director. I am not surprised by the inappropriate actions by a coach - that happens all too often. But I would expect more of the athletic director.

Your course of action should be to, first meet with the coach/AD just as you would if your daughter were having a problem with a teacher or with a certain subject. Explain to the coach how his inappropriate behavior is affecting your daughter. Try to be as specific as you can detailing as many specific instances as you can remember. Explain to the coach what you expect him to do or how you expect him to behave in the future. Also explain that your daughter is not in favor of your getting involved because she fears repercussions from the coach.

The coach is not likely to have a positive reaction to your meeting/conversation but you must have it in order to take the next step which is to meet with the school principal and explain the problem your daughter is having and how she is being treated by the coach. Report to the principal the results of your meeting with the coach. Ask the principal to investigate the things you have reported and explain that you need his or her help to stop the abuse of your daughter.

I would hope that the principal would be concerned about what is happening with this coach and would be anxious to resolve these problems. Try to schedule a follow-up meeting with the principal after his investigation to learn what will be done to resolve the problem.

If the principal refuses to act then you must take the problem to the school board. Write the board a letter explaining the situation and ask for their help citing your meeting with the coach and the principal. Tell the board that your daughter is being abused verbally and mentally by the coach/AD and that you demand action. If you are stone-walled by the board, write to your congressperson. School officials that don't respond to charges of child abuse are acting irresponsibly. At this point, as a last resort, I would remove my child from the team and if possible from that school.

If you have support for your situation from other parents make sure to tell them what you intend to do and ask if they would join you in a separate meeting with the coach and or principal. Remember there is strength in numbers.

I'm sorry that I could not recommend anything better or anything that might be more acceptable to your daughter - but that is the nature of this problem. You, as a parent, are responsible for protecting your daughter from the abusive relationship in which the coach has placed her.