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First Year in Football

Here is a fairly long story, but a pointed question from Rita and Paul Gerlach:

Our 14 year old son is entering his first year of high school. For the past two years he has played on the City's football league and made it to the All Stars. He is a good player and has good sportsmanship qualities. He also had a wonderful coach who loved the kids and the kids loved him.

Football for the high school started with a Monday meeting for paper work and for equipment hand outs. Our sons pads were two times too big for him, and his helmet too small. He approached the coach about it and was told to live with it. His equipment was not made right.

The boys had twelve hour a day practices. Ten of those hours were outside on Code Red days with the heat index above 100. Complaints were made that the boys were not getting enough water to drink, and some boys threw up.  

Our son said coaches were yelling and degrading some boys. Our other son is a senior who played for three years and is not playing because of the coaches this year. He said this was normal because the coaches try to weed out the players. And so our boy mentioned to the coach he was on the City League and that he thought he would make a good defensive end. The coach got up in his face and yelled at him saying "Who the hell do you think you are telling me what position you think you should play. You played in the baby pony league. You're just a little wimp."

Our son was crushed along with his dreams of playing football. Some males in our family think he should not have felt intimidated or hurt by the coaches comments, that he should toughen up, and that coaches should be this way. Our son was also injured with a wrist sprain and they made him get back on the field. Our son lost sleep and we could see he was having a lot of anxiety and then depression.

After some time to think things over he came to us and said he decided that he could not do both football and school. The time commitment is too much for him. Practice would be every day after school until seven at night. Plus he would have practices on some Saturdays and on some days they have off school. Going into high school is important to him, and he wants to get good grades. He doesn't thinks football may effect his performance at school. He also said that after the practices he was at he could not handle the way the coaches were treating him and the other boys. He said they took all the fun out of the sport and all his desire is gone. We tried to encourage him to stick with it. Finally he decided to resign.

I do not agree with this kind of coaching in order to motivate boys. It is interesting. Most men tell me they think he gave up too easily and should be tough and take it. I'm not sure that is right either. Our son is a strong willed person, smart, strong, and athletic. He just refuses to work for a coach that uses negative criticism to motivate him. He is now considering going into wrestling instead.

What can I do for our son to help him face the situation? I know you don't have all the answers and do not know our son, but you seem to be a wise and caring coach. 

What you have reported about the practices, the equipment situation and the treatment of the players would be grounds for an investigation by the school board or local authorities. This coach should not be coaching high school players.

Your instincts and your son's instincts were right. He did the right thing by resigning. No player should have to accept verbal, mental and physical abuse to play a high school sport. The fact of the matter is that the coach was guilty of child abuse and the authorities should have been notified. Not even in the National Football League, is the health and well-being of players so blatantly disregarded. The death of Minnesota Viking Kory Stringer last season is dramatic evidence of how dangerous extreme exercise in high temperatures can be.

For some reason, too many coaches operate under a macho-mentality that says football coaches have to scream and yell, be abusive and try to motivate with fear and ridicule. I could not disagree more with that approach - especially in youth sports. The people who behave this way are immature and disturbed individuals and they have no place dealing with young athletes like your son.