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Taking Coach Jerry to Task

Coach Jason Parks has a few choice words for Coach Jerry:

While browsing through your "Ask the coach" section, I found an e-mail titled "Turned off to football." Please do not encourage young football players to put their fist down while in a three point stance. These are to be football players, not gorillas.

It is a shame any time a child is not gaining confidence and self-respect through youth activities. If those coaches were abusing the opportunity to leave a positive image in that young man's mind, the rest of this e-mail does not involve them.

Your answer to Rene was pointed in one direction. As coaches and teachers, we teach what they are doing wrong, and how to do it right. You did neither with Rene. While focusing on what coaches should be doing, you missed the part about what parents should be doing. "Coach Rene" missed a few items. How about, don't offer excuses for your child, don't put down the coaches-be supportive in front of your children, don't be a know-it-all, Encourage your child to improve their self image by believing in themselves. It sounds like neither the coaches or the mom is really preparing this young man for the future. This is not soccer, baseball, or basketball, what we as coaches teach our players, keeps them from being seriously injured. For our youth, football gives the opportunity to learn teamwork, brotherhood, how to overcome adversity, fears, bad coaching, and how to really believe in themselves. These things will all be experienced by our children in football, and in life.

So the question is this, has coach Jerry given the right advice to Rene? Well, have you? Let's look at the facts. Rene is teaching her son the same lesson she has probably always taught. Mommy can change the world so her children don't have to overcome anything for themselves. The mom who was ready to throw up is now going to be leading our sons onto the football field. I take much pride in the word Coach. I also take much pride in always learning so I can continue making positive changes in young people's lives. Jerry, write about both sides when you answer and parents will probably understand the good coaches a little better. The children need Rene as a volunteer. They do not need someone trying to reinvent the wheel.

Just to clarify, I have no problem with women coaching football, if they can teach proper fundamentals. By the way, I like your website. It does have some good information along with the incomplete. I'll be looking for your response on your site.

In response, let me start by saying that we agree on several important points.

First... More so than perhaps any sport, football provides the opportunity "to learn teamwork, brotherhood, how to overcome adversity, fears, bad coaching *, and how to really believe in themselves. These things will all be experienced by our children in football, and in life." I agree but would add the following benefits:
 - players can gain confidence and develop a positive self image
 - players can understand and accept the need for discipline
 - participation can teach the importance of commitment, dedication and loyalty
 - participation can teach responsibility - both individual and shared
 - participation can teach children to accept both winning and losing and how to manage both success and disappointment
 - participation can help children learn to resolve issues and disputes without violence
 - participation can teach children to respect others.

* (I hope you would agree with me that "the opportunity to overcome bad coaching," is not a justification for bad coaches.)

Second... I couldn't agree more with your comment that "it is a shame any time a child is not gaining confidence and self respect through youth activities." That should be one of the top priorities of any youth program. Unfortunately it is not always a priority (high or otherwise) for many coaches.

You take me to task for not teaching Rene what she should be doing as a parent and you say that "It sounds like neither the coaches or the mom is really preparing this young man for the future." Certainly if Rene is making excuses for her son, then your criticism may be appropriate. Some parents are guilty of this and I probably should have taken the opportunity to remind her not to make excuses for her son. On the other hand, she did say that she was trying hard not to be an overprotective mom, so I'm not sure she was, in fact, making excuses for him. I agree with your judgment that, from what Rene said, the coaches involved did not appear to be doing their job.

My response to Rene was to offer advice to a distraught parent concerned about her child - not to defend or justify the coaches' actions. This was the case of a young boy who wanted to play football but was turned off by his coaches. The mother did not turn him off. On the contrary, she wanted him to continue and was looking for help in how to make the experience a positive one. I tried to do that by explaining to her that in order to play safely and have fun, he would have to work hard and master certain skills and she should do whatever she could to help and encourage him (e.g. the discussion about the three-point stance).

As for the three-point stance, let me say that I enjoyed your comment that "these are football players, not gorillas." I frequently use the remark "you are football players, not frogs" myself, to make a point about the three-point stance. Most kids starting out in football get into a frog-like stance. If not a frog stance they often bend over slightly at the waist and barely touch the ground with their fingers or hand - not a good position from which to "fire out." I have found that having the player to bend his knees, keep a straight or level back and put the first two front knuckles of one hand on the ground with weight distributed on their down arm and their legs, they are better able to generate a more powerful charge. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on the three-point stance. Perhaps I could learn something.

Over my years as a youth football coach (almost 50), I have had the opportunity to meet and observe many, many coaches - some outstanding and some terrible. I like to believe that I learned something from each. In my experience, the bad ones out number the good ones, I'm sorry to say.

Coaching youth football, despite what many youth coaches may believe, is not about Xs and Os, strategy or winning championships. It's about teaching children and developing their skills and ensuring that each player, regardless of ability, has a positive experience. The essence of youth sports is not winning, but striving to win. Coaches that teach, encourage and challenge their players to improve, to always do their very best and never quit trying to do their very best, will be successful all their players will be winners.