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Travel Hockey

A question from KM2JL:

I have a question about how a coach should handle when a goaltender is pulled from a game. My son is a pee-wee goaltender on a travel ice hockey team. This past weekend, he was to be the only goaltender playing in a tournament. A second goaltender came after the first game of the tournament because his dad was upset that he was not invited to play (he is a roller hockey goalie and knows the coach from playing on his roller team). In the 2nd game of the tournament, the team was not playing very well, and my son faced 24 shots in the first period. He was removed from the game and the other goalie was put in (remember, he was not invited to be there and my son knew this). My son was not upset for being removed since he knew from experience that the team was not doing well and he was getting no help. His previous coach would explain this to him and tell him it was nothing he did wrong, just that the team wasn't doing well. However, he became upset when the coach made a comment to him that "something positive had to happen, so we needed to make a change". My son, being 11 years old, took it as he was the negative. When my son approached the coach after the game to tell him how he felt, the assistant coach went into a long speech about how one of the goals was my son's fault. (We wanted to know about the other five that weren't!!!). My question is, how do you handle coaches who make inconsiderate comments to a child like...."one goal was his fault, he was out of position", and "he needs to realize that even professional goalies get pulled...it's part of the game", and "how would his self esteem be if another 2 goals went in" (meanwhile, he's telling my son he needed to be pulled and one goal was his fault - not exactly a boost to his self esteem). My son understands that sometimes a change should be made and was not upset about being taken out, but was upset about the comment made, also knowing that the other goaltender was not invited there and my son would have had to play all the games good or bad since he was to be the only goalie. The assistant coach wouldn't hear of it and kept insisting that he was upset because he was pulled. This coach seems to be a 'win at all costs' type of personality. I am wondering how to handle this and how to keep my son's self-esteem from being affected by such thoughtless behavior.

Since you have already identified your son's coach as source of verbal abuse, I would suggest that you keep a constant vigil over conversations between the coach and the players prior to, during and after games. Make sure that the coach is aware of your interest in what is being said to the players and to your son in particular. Certainly if you hear any inappropriate remarks you have a right to seek the coach out, away from the team, and talk about the situation and your concerns.

Continue to support your son and all his teammates with positive encouragement. It is unlikely, however, that you can influence the coach in a positive manner but you should try.

It is far better to avoid abusive coaches than to try to deal with or change them. Competitive travel team sports seem to attract intense coaches who care more about winning than the kids they coach. Perhaps you should consider a "rec" type program that focuses on participation and player development. In any event you should always investigate the program your considering for your child. Look for sports programs and organizations that are endorsed by the National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS). NAYS endorsed programs train and certify their coaches in accordance with the principles of the NAYS.